Nightlife in Sao Paulo – Flight Club

Nightlife in Sao Paulo: Flight Club

On Thursday I had a decadent and delicious dinner among friends with Priscila Gomide, Brazilian Lingerie Designer and Wilbert Sanchez, Founder of Plug N Work (Voted one of the 9 best places to Co-work in Sao Paulo).  Towards the end of the evening one of the guys mentioned their security guard at work had told them how they were the referee for a “Fight Club” and how the event was on that night at midnight.  I immediately had flashes of the movie “Fight Club” so when asked if I wanted to drop in before calling it a night I debated whether I was willing to get a black eye and  possibly a few teeth knocked out.  Curiosity always gets the best of me and I thought it a small price to pay to get into this underground scene.  Yes, I’m gullible I really did think WE were going to do the actual fighting.  So you can imagine how nervous I was when we pulled up to ambulances parked outside the nightclub.   Once inside though I was very relieved to know I was only going to be a spectator.   However the scene was just as visceral as I had imagined it.  Among a crowd of very muscular men and the one off  “girlfriend” stood a crazy  looking cage.  Inside the cage there were no rules and it was all sweat, blood and tears.  I found myself totally captivated by the intensity and rawness of the fight scene unraveling before me.   Equally as entertaining were the thick plump girls that came out in practically bikinis with cardboard signs to signal round 1, round 2 and round 3.  This spontaneous diversion got me home almost at 3AM.  The next day was a little rough but I was grateful to have all my teeth  One thing is for sure though!  Do brush up on your Brazilian Portuguese slang. 

Nightlife in Sao Paulo : Swinger Club

By Saturday though I was ready for the next adventure.  Again it started very innocently with a sophisticated dinner at Eau, the Grand Hyatt Hotel’s French restaurant.  The dishes were rich from Foie Gras with Chocolate to Duck Confit.  Chef Laurent Hervé totally delighted us with his dishes even accommodating my request for classic chocolate mousse even though it was not on the menu.  By the end of dinner stuffed and happy our party started tossing out “balada” (nightclub) possibilities. Among them was Nefertitti, which conveniently located five minutes away in Brooklin seemed like the best idea. The person to remain anonymous just discretely mentioned it was a swingers club.  I had never been to a swingers club nor did I have any idea what that really meant but I was way too curious to turn the idea down.  So there we were the three of us.  The first question we were asked at the door was “who is a couple?” We were all singles really but since the price for couples was way more advantages at R150 per couple instead of the R300/person we immediately agreed to pretend to be madly coupled up.  We walked in around 1AM and what we found was a typical Sao Paulo nightclub set-up, a bar, a dj booth, a dance floor and some sofas and tables nothing shockingly out of the ordinary.  We had heard there were “rooms” and a labyrinth so we quickly went exploring. To our disappointment all we found was empty rooms and yes a labyrinth with us walking through it…hurray! We went back to the main room where the crowd was a little off and extremely eclectic, picture a sample of just about every stereotype you can think of.  Making the best of the night we found ourselves dancing away on the dance floor.  And shortly thereafter things got interesting.  Women in the crowd starting pulling their skirts up to showcase their knickers and their asses while frolicking around the poles scattered throughout the nightclub.   Scenes unraveled with couples kissing and a few going down on one another or at least pretending to.  Then dramatically the lighting changed, the dance floor raised above the ground and voila we found ourselves watching an erotica show.  I must say best pole dancing and male strip show I have ever seen (not that I’ve seen much).  The show must have lasted almost 30 minutes after which the dance floor had emptied out a bit.  Where had all the people gone I wondered, so I enticed my friends to take the tour of the rooms again.  This time we saw A LOT of naked people f*cking.  Some in cages, some in dark corners, some in a movie theater like room with porn playing on a big screen, some in private locked rooms but you could still hear everything that was going on (reminded me of a Halloween Haunted House and wondered whether there was a recording playing only to make it sound  like there were people having sex behind those private doors, but I don’t think so…everything seemed pretty legitimate). Last there was the labyrinth now crowded with people groping at any opportunity, you had to be on your ultimate guard.  At this point we thought it wise to make a quick exit and call it a night. After, I went on their website where the tag line reads “NEFERTITTI – “Onde tudo e permitido, mas nada e obrigatório.” (Nefertitti where everything is allowed but nothing is mandatory).  I thought it summed it up nicely. Sao Paulo is just waiting to be discovered, so get out and experience it!

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A herd of elephants

Learning English doesn’t stop even for the fluent-speakers already! We were just on safari recently at the magnificent Phinda Private Game Lodge in South Africa and our ranger, being the expert, educated us on the collective nouns ; or what a group of animals are called. It’s not just a group of lions, and a group of giraffes, or a group of hippos (though I would say that’s not technically wrong either).

Here’s an absurdly complex list of collective nouns found online, and I like that this particular page is categorised as “Pointless”

Pick up your jam.animal.alphabet flashcards here.

Animal Collective Nouns

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However, the next day the dire reality of the situation sank in.    My reaction while successful in this incident would have been naïve had the attacker had a gun or a knife.  I was indeed very lucky.  And while we trained for the worst case scenario at Nam Yang Pugilistic Association, we also learned that the best defense besides not being in a “situation” was to get yourself out of it as soon as possible.  In other words, a quick kick to the nuts and make a run for it.

One thing is clear though; headphones and smart devices are best off when walking anywhere in Sao Paulo.  Stay alert and aware of your surroundings because it’s a jungle out there!

Pick up some dirty.jam.brazilian_portuguese here.

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Expand your local lingo with dirty.jam.brazilian_portuguese!

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Travelling to Miami?  Be sure to download jam.travel.miami authored by Ms. Juliet Maisha aka Juliet Mia Mi for the inside scoop on what to eat, see and do.

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 Divino eu sou – Sangue da terra, videira da vida – Num brinde de amor transbordo em plena avenida – Cantando um sohno novo – Matriz, escola do povo – Respeite o meu pavilhao

 English Translation

I am Divine – Blood of the Earth, Vine of Life – A Toast to Love overflowing onto the middle of the avenue – Singing a New Dream – Mother, The School of the People – Respect my Pavilion

There are 19 Samba Schools in Sao Paulo to choose from so just pick one (list below) and be on your way to a memorable evening.  Rehearsals take place Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays around 7PM during the weeks leading up to Carnival:

• Unidos do Peruche
• Acadêmicos do Tatuapé
• Camisa Verde e Branco
• Águia de Ouro
• Gaviões da Fiel
• Unidos de Vila Maria
• X9 Paulistana
• Acadêmicos do Tucuruvi
• Barroca Zona Sul
• Imperador do Ipiranga
• Rosas de Ouro
• Vai Vai
• Leandro de Itaquero
• Império de Casa Verde
• Mocidade Alegre
• Nenê de Vila Matilde
• Mancha Verde
• Pérola Negra
• Tom Maior

Learn Brazilian Portuguese with JAM

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It’s amazing how despite the increased cultural sensitivity one acquires from living abroad, extensive travel and the acquisition of international friends it’s an endless educational process.  When it comes to dating in Brazil, it’s no exception here are a few things I’ve learned: (Disclaimer:  the content below is based on observations and extensive interviews with Brazilian friends who have expressed their views.  It does not by any means reflect my private life or my personal experiences which I would prefer to keep private).

Paquerar = To Flirt.  This is the initial “mating’ subtleties two people engage in to initiate contact.  In Brazil it’s almost scripted.  Picture the scene at a “Balada” the Brazilian Portuguese word for “Night Club.”  Guy makes eye contact looks away; you make eye contact and look away. You watch him from across the room as he attempts to arouse your interest by flirting with someone else (you know it’s for your benefit only).  He walks by in the crowded “Balada” slow enough so that by chance you might catch the smell of his cologne or the touch of his skin (depending on how crowded it is).  This might go on for most of the night until he finally gets the courage (or has ruled out his other options…sad I know!) to walk up and talk to you.  He’ll usually ask you to dance and take this opportunity to hold you ever so close.  This is perfectly normal and means absolutely nothing.  If the dancing goes well and there is chemistry between you then the obvious next step is to get even closer as you dance (If you’re not glued to each other than you’re not close enough…reminder this is perfectly acceptable and means absolutely nothing other than for pure “in the moment” enjoyment.  If you’ve made it this far it will only be minutes before you’re snogging on the dance floor. Be warned this is not the casual innocent kiss.  We are talking about an escalation of some serious face sucking.  If you’re tongue is not down his throat on its way to his stomach then its only seconds before it will be.   If this process is still “gostoso” Brazilian Portuguese for “tasty” usually reserved to describe FOOD and WOMEN.  Somehow, one in the same in this country.  A typical use of this word goes something like this “ Que Gostosa, eu vou a comer a voce” “you’re so tasty, I’m going to eat you”.  Then, the snogging is escalated to a side wall at the “Balada” for a little bit more privacy and besides the wall serves a purpose as you’re pressed up against the wall for some serious dry grinding and more snogging.   If things escalate further (and they will) then you can fill in the blanks from there.  The key here is it means absolutely nothing other than carpe Diem.  Tomorrow is another day which may involve you but more than likely not.  The day after though might have your name on it though as Brazilians always come back for more unlike your typical one night stands and this is where it gets complicated because you move from “Paquerar” to “Ficar” which means ‘seeing each other’. The trouble is you have no idea how many people exactly he was “ficando” with when you met him or while you are “ficando”.  One thing is for sure, as long as he is seeing you from time to time, then you’re still in the game.  The fabulous news is that the rules apply to everybody so you can be “ficando’ with lots of other people too.  Basically this carries on until you start “seeing less and less of the others and more and more of each other.”  In which case you find yourself “namorando” or “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” which means you’re exclusive to each other however this means nothing because you can be “namorando” endlessly for years.  Bottom line unless he is introducing you to his friends (this is universal) then he is definitely not putting a ring on it.  Now, if you’re meeting the friends AND the family, then you are definitely on your way.    I should also mention most guys in Brazil unless they are married will be living at home with their parents.  I know exactly what you are thinking, which brings me to the next phenomenon…Love motels.  There is NO shame or negative stigma in a love motel as ALL the social classes from A to Z participate as there is something for everyone’s taste and budget.  Some finer details you should know, while in most places around the world if someone says “Talk to you later” the expression is open ended with no expectations of actually talking later.  The equivalent of this in Brazil is “Let me call you back.”  Which does NOT mean they will ACTUALLY call you back so don’t bother waiting for a phone call.  It’s a way to get you off the phone and nothing more.  Additionally, “I promise…” “See you..” “Yeah we’ll talk” all have Zero value, you might as well start believing in Santa Claus.   Oh I almost forgot, Brazilian men will lavish you with compliments from the second they meet you “you’re so beautiful”, “you’re so smart”, “Wow you smell so great”, “you have such beautiful eyes, legs, hair, lips, body etc etc.”  I know you ARE fabulous, but it’s NOT you its protocol so take compliments with a VERY small grain of salt.  Last, expat single men living in Brazil pick up the Brazilian protocol very quickly so beware!  On the bright side rest assured though when Brazilian men do fall in love they will be eating out of the palm of your hand.

Expand your local lingo with dirty.jam.brazilian_portuguese

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Last year I spent New Year’s Eve with a dear friend at The Burj Khalifa, Dubai, UAE, the World’s Tallest Building. The memorable fireworks display lasted over 9 minutes. And needless to say it was amazingly unrivalled, the evening was in true Dubai fashion, OTT (Over The Top). This year I look forward to spending it in Brazil, on a northern Sao Paulo beach called Barra Do Sahy in São Sebastião. I’ve been lucky since my arrival to Sao Paulo to be invited by friends to spend some time in the neighbouring beach Baleia. The whole area approximately 3+ hours from Sao Paulo city on the state’s northern coast is just breathtaking with mountainous luscious “Atlantic Forest” (Mata Atlântica in Portuguese) dotted by a string of coves and beaches. New Year’s Eve or ‘Reveillon’ as its called in Brazil is derived from the French word réveil (meaning “waking”).  The evening  is infused with many rituals, which are now embedded in Brazilian culture influenced by Africans who arrived on its shores as slaves. Yemanjá, Iemanjá, Janaína is an orisha (spirit or deity) originally from the Yoruba religion. She is the ocean, the essence of motherhood, and a protector of children. To others she is the patron deity of the fishermen and the survivors of shipwrecks, the feminine principle of creation and the spirit of moonlight. Basically she is THE QUEEN of the ocean and creation. Her number is 7 (a tie into the seven seas) and her colors are white and blue. During the ‘Reveillon’ most Brazilians will migrate to the nearest beach to ring in the New Year and honor Yemanja and so will I. Dressed in white, I will light candles along her shores. I will dive into the ocean jumping seven waves making a wish with every wave, bearing gifts to Yemanja of white flowers and champagne (my Dubai OTT contribution). Grateful for all the miracles of 2012, the people behind them and the promise of an auspicious 2013.

From one QUEEN to another.  Here is Celia Cruz singing ‘live’ Yemaja.

dirty.jam.brazilian_portuguese

jam.99 verbs.brazilian_portuguese

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I was at Azucar a salsa club at a typical weekly Internations event.  For the record I would have never set foot at an Internations event in Dubai, UAE but in Brazil its actually pretty decent for mingling amongst the expat crowd.   Their presence is definitely more prominent and active than A Small World, which is almost non-existent here oddly enough.   Among the discussions someone mentioned that all you had to do to get your CPF “eee” was  to visit any Banco Do Brasil Branch, complete a form and pay 5 Reals (aprox 2.50 USD… essentially peanuts).   I immediately thought to myself its about time I got one.

By the way, I have yet to figure out what I would actually do with a CPF “eee” as its purpose is yet unclear to me.  But for one thing, it comes in handy when you buy absolutely everything!  As it’s the routine question before you buy at any store.  “What is your CPF “eee?” followed by a long silent pause and a blank look of bewilderment…”what?!  You don’t have one?!”   Followed by my agitated “Yes, yes, ring up my order anyways …I don’t have one!”.  If I tally all these delayed transactions, I can probably add back a few hours to my life if you know what I mean and that in itself was a great reason to get one.

So there I was queuing at Banco Do Brazil.  I filled out the form and I paid the R5.   However when it was all done and dusted, I didn’t get a CFE “eee”.  Instead I got a receipt titled “Comprovante de Atendimiento Nao-Conclusivo”.  Translates more or less into “Proof of attendance non conclusive”?!!  You can imagine my disappointment.  “So what now?” I asked.  The bank attendant simply said, take this receipt to the “Receita Federal”.  “Search for the nearest address on their website at www.receita.fazenda.gov.br.”  Ok, what was one extra step right?   So as instructed I visited the website and searched for the nearest location which happened to be off of Avenida Paulista.    I queued patiently only to be told that I was actually at the wrong Receita Federal Branch. I needed to proceed to Rua Corone Xavier de Toledo, 23, 2^nd Floor in the Shopping Light Shopping Centre. This place was across town off of the metro stop “Anhangabau” on the red line.  I was starting to lose my patience but I was already vested and at this point I just wanted a CPF “eee” with a vengeance!  So I rocked up to the suggested address.  After queuing there too, they asked, “Have you translated the front page of your passport?”   Seriously?!!  A translation of name, date of birth and passport number ?! Grrrrrr.  I was then given another website link www.jucesp.sp.gov.br where I could find the address of the place where I could get a “traducao Juramentada” basically an official translation.   So off I was to Rua Barra Funda 836 where I queued some more only to be told, “Oh, we don’t do translations here” “You have to find a translator on our website and deal with them directly”.  She followed it up with “Can I see some ID?”  I handed her my passport and in a sassy tone asked her “Do you need someone to translate it?”  She didn’t think it was funny.

An entire precious day wasted and I felt totally defeated.  I regrouped though and revisited their website printing the 19 page PDF file listing all the authorized translators.  The list was in no rational order with listings for the entire state of Sao Paulo and for all languages.   Needless to stay I spent at least 1 hour combing through the list for the appropriate translators.  This was followed by numerous unanswered phone calls.  Until finally I got through to a Denise who lived in Vila Olimpia and guaranteed to have it done the next morning for R35.  All I needed to do was send her a scanned copy via email.   The next day at 10AM as agreed, I tried her home line, email and mobile phone number and no Denise.  She pulled a “Brazilian” on me.  Grrrrrr.  My day was now hijacked sitting around waiting fro Denise to re-appear.  Eventually she did at 4PM.  To her credit she did get the job done though and at this point I couldn’t wait to put it all behind me.  The next day I rocked up to the Receita Federal in The Shopping Light mall and in less than 20 minutes I had an unceremoniously black and white print out from a generic printer.  Something I could have easily forged with my eyes closed on my computer!!  At this point I was just glad it was over!

So if you’re up to the task follow these steps:

1. Complete form and pay fee at any Banco Do Brazil  (Bank will provide the form.  Be sure to have original passport and home address details including CEP number)
2. Submit form along with Original passport to this office:

Receita Federal – Rua Coronel Xavier de Toledo, 23, 2nd Floor, Shopping Light shopping Center. Metro: Anhangabau. Hours: 08:00 – 20:00.

IMPORTANT If your passport is in a language other than Portuguese, than have it translated by an authorized translator.  Download list of authorized translators from this link:  www.jucesp.sp.gov.br

Good Luck!  And while you’re at it check out dirty.jam.portuguese

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